As authors we know how much work goes into writing a book, and how much they mean to readers. This means our reviews will always try to present an accurate reflection of what a book is like, and who might enjoy it. We will be as fair as humanly possible (except maybe Martin who is – frankly – a right cow). To make sure this happens we’ve come up with some loose guidelines …
We won’t ever review our own books. This isn’t the Martin Howard and Rachel
Delahaye fan site (although there should totally be one of those). We might talk about
our books where appropriate and give you a heads up if we have anything new coming
out but if you want to find out if they’re good (they are) or bad (as if) then you’ll have to
head to another blog. We’ll provide links, don’t you worry.
A joke that might make one reader laugh so hard they do a little bit of wee in their pants
might make another reader scratch their head. We know this. If a book doesn’t make US laugh
we’ll say who might find it funny, and compare it to other books that might be similar in
tone or theme.
We also know there are different types of humour. Books that give readers a hug and
make them smile on the inside are as important to us as laugh-out-loud side-splitters.
You won’t find any 1-star epic take-downs here. We’ll tell you what we think but we
understand that all books are the product of someone’s hard work and love. It’s not our
mission to harsh anyone’s buzz. If we think a book is awful we simply won’t review it. So
if bad reviews are your thing take yourself over to Amazon where they have a whole
range of humourless, surly oddballs pouring spite into their keyboards.
In fact, you won’t find any stars at all. Reducing a writer’s long hours of sweat and
heartbreak to a few stars might be the way it’s done but it just isn’t our vibe. To get a
sense of how good a book is you’ll have to read the review. Sorry.
We don’t particularly care whether the author is a celebrity millionaire or an unknown debut author writing in a
box, so long as they make us laugh or smile. That said, we know celebrity millionaires are already getting quite
enough publicity thankyouverymuch, so we will always take care of non-celebrity millionaires first.
We’re quite happy to spend our own hard-earned cash on books (hey, we already do) but
publishers and authors are welcome to send us books to review. We’ll read them on a first-come-
first-served basis for the most part (let us know if you’d like a review to coincide with a release
date). Contact us to find out whether Rachel or Martin will be able to get to it first, postal
addresses and stuff. Please bear in mind we’re both working writers with families and major
neuroses to attend to. There are only so many hours in the day and we can’t promise to review
your book instantly. Don’t expect us to return any books either. Once we have them you’ll have
to prise them out of our cold, dead hands. Traditionally published books only, please. If we look
at self-published books we’ll be here until the end of time itself.